thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
