12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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