how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
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Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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