So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
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