fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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