The maid of honor just puked.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
