It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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