I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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