So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
