You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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