she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
