why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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