I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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