And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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