it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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