lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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