yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
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