Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
