woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
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No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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