someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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