I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
