i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
