how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
