All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
