thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
