textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Bring me that man meat
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
