life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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