he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
