I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
