I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
