decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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