I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
