Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
