If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
