I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Congratulations! We have a period
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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