I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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