Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
What a dumb baby whore.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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