i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
