Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
