A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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