My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
