Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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