I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
