Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
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