i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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