Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
