the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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