but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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