we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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