I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
