I want to have your abortion
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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