Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
