he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
