if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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