Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
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you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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