she looked like the before picture.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
