I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
