I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
