Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
