I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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