There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
